 NLP Article 1 - Intro to NLP
and a Case Study
NLP
Neuro-Linguistic Programming - Originally developed by Richard Bandler
and John Grinder, now a vast field encompassing language and subjective
experience, and the study of excellence in human performance.
NLP is described in many different ways and this presents some
controversy, depending upon whether we call it a science, a field, a
body of knowledge, a philosophy, a collection of observations or
techniques, or an epistemology. If you have a working definition of
NLP, you can rest assured that at least some of the world's most
renowned NLP experts will probably disagree with you, as well as with
each other.
For most of us, who have definite, practical requirements from our
study and practice of NLP, none of this may matter.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a term first coined by Dr Richard
Bandler and John Grinder as they continued the work of transformational
grammarians in the late 1970s.
NLP also grew out of "modelling", the process of examining and
interpreting the behaviour of "excellence" so that excellence could be
explained, taught, and replicated. This is one aspect of NLP that has
grown very little since the early days, apart from Bandler's
development of Design Human Engineering™ and the work of a
few creative pioneers, such as Rex Sikes.
Initially, the models used were that of excellence in therapy, and we
owe much of the content and philosophy of NLP to revered therapists
such as Milton Erickson (Ericksonian Hypnosis), Virginia Satir (family
therapy), Fritz Perls (Gestalt Therapy), Frank Farrelly (Provocative
Therapy), and others. These people were mostly unable to explain their
own brilliance, since much that they did was below consciousness
(perhaps in the nature of "intuition"). When their performance was
analysed by Bandler and Grinder, what had formerly been unconscious and
unnoticed became available for us all.
One thing is for sure, NLP is not a magic wand. The classic NLP texts
are full of amazing and miraculous stories, many of which do not fully
"check out". NLP is, however, exceedingly useful, and will empower your
communication and your life in ways you never dreamed possible. In a
therapeutic context, NLP skills give enormous advantage. In selling and
persuasion likewise.
Excitingly, NLP has given rise to an incredible array of tools and
techniques that have made rapid change accessible to virtually
everyone.
In other articles we'll talk about how unconscious perception
influences conscious attitudes and behaviours and how NLP can be used
to alter unconscious perception, thus allowing you to make effortless,
permanent change.
Case Study
When Family
& Friends Sabotage Your Efforts
Susan had attended two of our workshops, one which freed her from
obsessions and compulsions about food, and another which freed her from
emotional eating (eating because of tiredness, boredom, loneliness,
fear, sadness, etc). Food no longer ruled her and she found
that when she was dining out she actually preferred salads and other
lighter meals, not the fried foods and heavy desserts that she always
ordered before.
But Susan had a problem. She had been taken out to lunch once
each week by her mother, who had made no changes at all and still
enjoyed an unhealthy eating style. When Susan ordered salad
and Mother ordered fish and chips, Mother was clearly
uncomfortable. A little distressed, she entreated Susan to
"forget that silly diet for once" and to "at least share the chips with
me".
Susan was unsure what to do. She really, really, didn't want
the chips. The thought of eating them was a little
nauseating. But she didn't want to "hurt Mother's feelings"
especially since Mother was paying! In the end, she forced
down a few chips just to "make Mother happy". In her cyber
support group, Susan asked what she could do to deal with this and
prevent it happening again.
We came up with some suggestions using the NLP Meta Model to counter
limiting or negative statements. This involves asking
strategically-structured questions to focus the listener’s
mind on what’s missing from their limiting
statement. In other words, you are focussing them on a
solution instead of on a limit.
For example:
Mother: "Forget that silly diet for once."
Suggested response: "What silly diet is that?" (genuinely
surprised and curious)
Mother: "At least share the chips with me?"
Suggested response: "And what would happen if I didn't?"
(with a smile on the face and in the voice)
Notice that there's nothing in these responses that invites
debate. Instead, they force Mother's mind inward to examine
the missing parts of her communication. These missing parts
bring more information and more logic to the fore, all done by Mother
herself.
Guilt is an
amazingly efficient saboteur!
Many people, when they think about making their own decisions or taking
time out for health or wellbeing, experience feelings of guilt or
unworthiness. There is a tendency to put the needs of
everyone else first. Susan was more concerned about her
mother's feelings than she was about her own enjoyment of the meal, or
even her own health!
The great problem with this attitude of guilt or unworthiness is that
not only are we robbing our family and friends of the experience of
relating to and being with a fully healthy person, we are serving as a
highly-destructive role model to others, particularly children.
Do we really want our children growing up knowing how to get healthy
and stay healthy? Or would we prefer our children to be just
like us, putting themselves last and allowing their health to suffer as
a result?
The work that we do now to eliminate guilt over health and nurture time
is of vital importance. It cannot be put off, because every
day we hesitate is a day where we are demonstrating to others what not
to do! Every day we hesitate in getting free of those old
burdens is a day going backwards in terms of health and wellbeing.
Remember that getting free of guilt will mean saying
“no” to people as you demonstrate responsible self
care. You are teaching others how to say
“no” also, and not all lessons are easy!
Be gentle with those around you who seem to act selfishly or who do not
yet appreciate the new, healthier you. Be firm at all times,
but keep in mind they may need extra assurance of your love and
appreciation for them. By using the NLP technique
“maintaining rapport while saying no” you can make
this process easy and comfortable.
What technique is best for eliminating guilt relating to taking time
out for health? Probably the Resource Triangle from NLP.
About
the
Author: Christine
Sutherland is the
founder of The Lifeworks Group Pty Ltd.
She is a behavioural therapist, clinical
researcher, and
internationally-published author of a range of reference texts for
health
professionals, corporate managers, and the general public.
You
can contact Christine on christine@lifeworks-group.com.au.
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